T R Y I N G.......

Sometimes when I'm trying to convince myself about the possibilities of recuperating I feel like it's useless. Even though I narrate words of encouragement to relieve my brain of the stress that it carries and makes love to, apparently it is just not enough. Fuck, I know things are moving, literally they are like when you wipe your body with a soap bar. It slithers gracefully and without making a sound it creates a lot of bubbles to make your body disappear but it just does not help when you're panicking yet simultaneously you're telling yourself, 'It's going to be fine, it's not like there's a wolf eating your arm '. I mean I get it pressure really pesters our mood and our ability to cooperate with our immediate environment but why can't we or should I say I just lose my head and jump from 2nd floor and break my leg and laugh while in agony. I know I'll be hurt but would it be worth it to be hurt just to be relieved of the pressure that is building up? I mean would that be considered crazy or crazy enough? I really don't iterate the need to just calm our nerves because my nerves are never calm also because I love to move around and smell my dirty bits because It's awesome and also it's disgusting to many, again this post might seem ridiculously stupid but all I'm trying to say is that it's okay to lose your shit and be frustrated and perhaps it's alright to get stabbed once in while not in heart though or brain. I don't want any of you dead please. 

I feel guilty now, but I'm enjoying it very much. 

I'm trying to smile, it's not much but at least I'm trying.